Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
