dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
