Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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