Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
