Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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