I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
