youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
