Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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