I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
