i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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