omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
