Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
