Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
