the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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