I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
