remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
