Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
