Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
