Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
