he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I could make wine with my vomit
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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