He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
