the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
