do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
