my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
