I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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