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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
