This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
