3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
