Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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