Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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