I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
