i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
