Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
