im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
