i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
whose ass print is on the piano?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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