brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
