1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
where are you?
Hypothermia
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
