OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
