I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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