I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
