..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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