My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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