I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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