what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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