Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
