no, he came in my armpit
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
