Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
