she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
