did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize