I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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