girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
