dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
