Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
