I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
