I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
