Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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