We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
