So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
