actually, I'm a sock model
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
