I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
