great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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