she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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