It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
