life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
