...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
