Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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