my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
