U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
