Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think I just sharted jello shots
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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